


Falling in Hurt

by FangirlWolfie



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Bottom Derek, Derek's a bit broken after Kate, Dubious Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, Humiliation, Insecure Derek, Insecurity, M/M, Misunderstandings, Panic Attacks, Self-Worth Issues, Top Stiles Stilinski, Unrequited Love, abuse!recovery, non-con kissing/mild touching, non-negotiated!D/S, under-negotiated!kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 10:01:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10534170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FangirlWolfie/pseuds/FangirlWolfie
Summary: Derek was a bit broken, not pieced together right.Stiles was everything Derek wasn’t. Alive, vibrant, social, popular.He was also cold eyes, soft moans and long fingers.Derek had known he should stay far away from Stiles Stilinski.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Before anything else please read the tags and make sure you feel comfortable reading this story. I knew it wasn't for everyone when I wrote it but I posted it non-the less for the people who wants to read these kinds of stories.
> 
> Other than that, this is an AU (just to clarify). There’s some dub-con parts splashed out all over this story. If there’s warnings/tags I’ve missed that you think I should include write it in the comments and I’ll fix!

Derek had known he should stay far away from Stiles Stilinski. He’d known and still he hadn’t. And now, he had nobody to blame but himself.

 

1

Stiles was “ _campus famous_ ”. Everybody liked him, adored him even, and there was something about his honey-brown eyes and endless expanse of alabaster skin that made more than half the campus population drool. Derek included.

Derek, on the other hand, was nothing like Stiles. He had some friends, Erica, Boyd and Laura. And yes, perhaps a third of his friends were biologically related to him but that was okay. Or so Derek tried to tell himself.

The first time Derek ran into Stiles was at a party. The mole-dotted campus celebrity was at the time dressed in tight trousers that enhanced his endless legs and _very_ flattering features. Derek had by then heard about him, despite both of them starting at the same time Stiles had manage to become something of a legend.

Stiles had been surrounded by his groupies (which was basically the whole campus by now) all of them laughing and drinking in good fun.

Derek had stared at the scene that was as taken from one of Laura’s horrible college movies. But it was the dim light shining over the creature in the middle of the bunch that stole his breath. Stiles.

Maybe it was the way the kid literarily lit up the room, always having an idea, mischief really, to execute that made the pull too strong to resist? Maybe it was that Stiles’ svelte body and broad shoulders made him land in that rare category of hot-beyond-gender? Maybe it was the way Stiles turned and smiled and made everyone approaching feel welcomed? So different from secret rituals and selected fraternities that was usually the college way.

Derek was only at the autumn celebration party because Erica had forced him. He was in no way about to dive into the groupie selection that followed Stiles’ every move with adoration and devotion. Something he, at the first sight of those enchanting eyes, knew he would have no trouble falling into.

It was just his luck to bump into Stiles later. It happened after he’d chugged one too many beers in order to make the night proceed faster. Problem, the sticky honey-coloured liquid hadn’t really helped.

“Hey,” someone had said in a deep voice behind him. Derek had turned slowly, trying not to stumble over his all but cooperating feet.

Of course it had been Stiles, Stiles whom Derek had noticed and then decided to stay far away from. Stiles broke hearts daily just by being and if Derek never had his heart breaking again it would be too soon. So Derek grunted in response when he really wanted to stammer and blush.

The ridiculous kid beamed at him and yeah… That tilted smile did things to Derek’s heart that he did not approve of. “Not much of a talker ey?” Stiles snickered into the red cup he held in his hand. God, those long fingers were sinful.

Derek only grunted again, trying to force his expression to remain stern even though he wanted to smile shyly at what was sure to be an illusion of his drunken mind. Because this kid was _ridiculously_ good looking.

 _Stiles_ , because Derek new who Stiles was, everyone did after the kid had maybe corrected the chancellor in the middle of his opening speech. It helped that nobody really liked Finstock all that much. “ _Excuse me sir but aren’t you really meaning to say ‘fewer students’ rather than ‘less students’?_ ”

Stiles looked at him with a cocky smile like he was totally aware of what he did to Derek and all those people who were watching him right now. Being all slender and teasing. And oh god, Derek wanted to lick whipped cream off that smooth skin all day long.

“Anyway,” Stiles continued as he cocked his head to the side with a thoughtful expression. “Are you up for a dance?” He tilted his hip out in the most drool dripping way and despite that Derek never danced, even if you paid him, he now nodded like the whipped dog he was.

Stiles smiled and it was all worth it.

Dancing with Stiles was almost like playing with fire. His pale skin reflected the different lights shining on his slender body with great efficiency and it almost looked like Stiles was glowing. Derek’s heart combusted slightly as Stiles moved in sinful waves, making not only him but also almost everyone in the room, stop for a minute to just imagine being pressed against _that_.

You could nearly hear the longing thoughts from everyone watching Stiles’ grace on the dance floor.

He was like a lethal bomb that just wouldn’t stop detonating.

Derek took the biggest damage since he was not only closest to the explosion, but basically hugging the flames. When Stiles dragged a coy hand down his chest he might have whimpered pathetically. He didn’t dare touch Stiles back; afraid of frightening him far far away as earlier thoughts about _staying far far away_ from Stiles were promptly forgotten.

Then the dance was over, but not before Derek had had Stiles pressed against him and so been thoroughly destroyed for anyone else, ever.

He might also have made about a hundred students his enemies if the evil looks they sent his way were any indication. Not that it mattered because Derek was a silent, broody, mostly irritated, nutcase (his former girlfriends words not his) and Stiles were anything but.

He left the club as Stiles went away to get another beer. His last words had been said with a smirk and a laugh “I like you big guy, we must do this some other time.” If only he’d not left after hanging a half-promise of nothing in the air Derek might not have felt desperately hopeless as he strolled home. Shouldn’t you decide on a date if you wanted to repeat an event? Isn’t ‘ _some other time’_ just a synonym for ‘ _let’s never again’_.

Still, Derek might have sent Stiles a friend request on Facebook, just in case.

 

2

Stiles was popular, right. Derek knew that and thus he should not have been surprised that he’d managed to snag himself a boyfriend, twice actually, the following week.

Derek tried not to let the knowledge affect him but it did. Especially after he’d stumbled upon Stiles and some older student in the woods.

Derek liked to go out jogging in the mornings. Liked to train and keep himself fit, so he was doing just that, jogging. Or perhaps rather running because yesterday Erica had told him to stop pining and Derek had been so sure he’d hid his feelings about Stiles the Unreachable but apparently he hadn’t. So now he was running away from the frustration at the forests run-trail just outside of campus. Sweat pouring down his temples and making his shirt glue to his chest.

He was so tired after two laps on the 10-mile route that he simply stumbled into the woods after a particular steep hill to breathe some mouthfuls o fresh September air.

Only… then he’d seen them.

Stiles, standing above a guy that was on his knees doing very telling bobbing motions with his head over Stiles’ crouch. _God_.

Stiles’ long fingers was tangled in the guy’s dark hair, a satisfied smile and quick exhales dancing over his slightly parted lips making Stiles look astoundingly beautiful. Derek couldn’t stop staring.

There was a telling slurping sound from the guy sucking Stiles dick, the dark haired dude was actually moaning and jerking off, like it was privilege to blow Stiles, it probably was. Derek had a hard time imagining himself saying no if Stiles for some reason would point on the ground before him and say ‘ _kneel’_.

“That’s good,” Stiles breathed and moved the guy’s head with the force of his hands tangled in all that black hair. The guy took it, the slurping getting louder and the guy gagged a bit as well as Stiles hips started to thrust. “Yeah, take it,” Stiles breathed and somehow Derek was surprised because Stiles was in a way a popularity-god, but he was funny and kind, he wasn’t… this.

Apparently Derek was wrong because Stiles was exactly _this_. He started to thrust harder, whispering words like “Come on, take it deeper,” and “Yeah, that’s a good slut.” Derek did not get hard, he did not. Well… maybe he did.

The guy getting basically face-fucked only moaned louder, jerking off faster. Stiles laughed as he pounded the guy’s mouth, slurping and gagging now simply another background noise as Stiles’ hips snapped forward again and again. They guy moaned and whimpered in equal measures.

“Okay, good,” Stiles breathed out between thrusts. “Now take a deep breath.”

The guy sounded slightly panicky but at the same time so so willing that Derek didn’t really know what he was seeing. He just wished that he were the one sucking Stiles off, not Dark-hair. Then he remembered that Stiles would most likely throw him away just as he would discard this guy when he was done with him. Ten minutes ago these thoughts would have been strange. But the way Stiles watched the guy dry heave on his cock without letting up made Derek revalue the freshman.

Stiles resumed his carefree thrusting after watching the guy flail with his arms in amusement. “I’m going to come,” he warned with a sharp jab with his hips. “You’re going to swallow.” There was no question mark about it. Stiles smiled predatory.

As Stiles came and the guy began swallowing Derek found himself thinking of Kate and how he always managed to fall for fucked-up people.

When he looked up from the guy coming on the forest floor, Stiles’ eyes were locked on him. Derek trembled but Stiles only smiled.

 

3

The situation in the woods should have been more than enough to make Derek stay far fucking away from the kid. But he’d always been stupid like that. Laura had even called him an adrenaline junky, only getting it up if he knew his partner could bite as well as kiss.

That wasn’t true. Because after Kate and the hell she’d created, Derek had decided that he never wanted to go for the unstable crazy ass bitches again. Unfortunately he was _now_ doing just that... again.

Laura on the other hand had no idea Stiles was fucked-up.

“Why don’t you go for him?” She asked as she, Boyd, Erica and Derek settled down at a table with their coffee cups in hand.

“You don’t understand,” Derek said as he wondered if he was supposed to say that he a week ago had seen Stiles face-fuck a guy and then simply left the dude and their witness (Derek) in favour of continuing his jogging round. Like the blowing had been a nice break, not a… a… well… blowjob.

The dark-haired dude had been exhausted and simply lain there on the forest floor for like ten minutes as Derek had tried to hide, uneasy about being spotted by Dark-hair as well. In the end the dude had stumbled away from his resting spot with come (Stiles’ come) on his chin. Looking to the world like he’d just found Nirvana.

Derek shivered at the memory. He didn’t want to become… _that_. Didn’t want to chase crumbs while Stiles ate the bread. Didn’t want that kind of non-relationship again.

“Well, then make me understand Derek,” Laura had complained as she’d taken a sip of her too hot coffee. “I mean he’s smoking hot and he has already had two new boyfriends just this week.”

“Exactly,” Derek said, trying not to think about how the guy in the woods hadn’t been any of those _two_ _boyfriends_. “He’s never going to settle and I want something lasting.”

“Maybe you should have a fling with him,” Laura had continued unconcerned. Derek had only glared. “Sorry, joking,” she’d sighed after a second underneath the death beam. “But collage is suppose to be fun Derek, you have to move on from Kate.”

“Don’t”, Derek practically growled as he tried not to remember a pretty girl clutching gasoline tanks while a mad glimmer in her eyes had shed her sheep clothing.

“I’m just saying,” Laura continued as she drank another mouthful lava hot coffee without flinching. “Stiles’ hot and honestly, you need something other to jerk off to than whatever sex you had with miss Lunatic.”

Derek shook his head. He was already half mad with the notion of Stiles, he didn’t need the added knowledge of how that lithe body felt against his sober. The scene in the woods had already tempted him in a fucked-up way; he should absolutely not pursue anything with Stiles. Actually it might be best to never speak to the enigma ever again.

 

4

“Hey Derrrre-k,” a familiar voice purred in his ear. Derek almost choked on his own spit. He coughed awkwardly to clear it out.

Stiles stood behind him with his body practically dripping of how slender, strong and otherworldly it looked. Derek grasped for straws as he tried not to get sucked into the vortex that was Stiles.

“How do you know my name?” Derek managed to cough out.

“We danced,” Stiles said as if the thing in the forest had never happened. As if Derek hadn’t watched Stiles basically reduce a senior to a warm hole to get off in and then abandon. As if Derek didn’t wake up hard and aching and terrified that Stiles would decide to play with Derek, leaving behind the remains without further worry.

Someone passed them in the library, shooting Stiles a hello and giving him a quick back pat. Stiles smiled back like a normal, popular human being before turning to Derek again. Derek’s mind spun, and not in a good way.

Perhaps the forest had been an illusion after all? Derek was tired and sure, he might have spent twenty minutes hallucinating rather than watching Stiles become something that reminded him too much of a monster. For once Derek had doubts.

“Anyway I have thirty minutes until next lecture, why don’t we get out of here?”

At least it was a question, Derek thought. At least it wasn’t a how-about-you-get-down-on-your-knees-and-suck-me-now order. Derek should say no. Simple as that. _N. O_. Two letters that did all the difference in the world when put together, a N and an O. No.

“Sure.”

Derek was fairly certain he’d just screwed up on the simplest answer in the history of college.

Stiles just smiled and it was all worth it.

They made their way to the outskirts of campus, just ten minutes away from the main building, by running. Perhaps it was a bit ironic that last time they’d seen each other they’d been out running as well… in a way.

“Twenty minutes until I have to be back,” Stiles smirked and Derek tried not to be overwhelmed by those honey-brown eyes that were seemingly trying to convince his soul to just sign the ownership-contract. Dobby was a free elf no more.

Derek took a look around them, there was just woods and faraway voices speaking gibberish. Nobody would spot them here. He felt his body shake, waiting for Stiles to attack.

Stiles seemed content with just taking it chill, no hurry to make use of those twenty minutes until class. Still, Derek couldn’t quiet the voice screaming ‘ _trap!’ ‘trap!’ ‘run!’ ‘run_!’ in his brain.

“So…” Stiles said all casual and Derek was prepared. He’d rehearsed the word _no_ several times in his mind by now. He was prepared for whatever Stiles threw his way. “I don’t see you on a lot of events.”

Well… that was not really expected. Derek answered, _suspiciously_ , his trained word, “No…”

“I mean,” Stiles continued almost a bit wistfully. “I thought we had a good thing going at the autumn party, but then you were just gone.”

Okay, so this conversation was taking a surprising direction, Derek’s wariness grew. He grunted because that wasn’t a word and thus he didn’t have to stray from his _no_ -plan.

Stiles smiled. “Hah,” he laughed, his white teeth shiny in the sunlight and Derek was suddenly busy committing the sight to memory. If Stiles only hadn’t been so beautiful. “You did that grunting thing then too.”

Derek didn’t know what he’d done to deserve to witness Stiles laughter and approval but he held on to it like a kid to its candy. “I,” Derek said and now he’d already fucked-up his _no_ -plan. “I saw you in the woods.”

Stiles smile disappeared in an instance and Derek felt himself jolt of something that was a mixture of fear and disappointment. Despite him being an inch or two taller than Stiles he’d never felt so small and vulnerable.

“Listen… that,” Stiles said and Derek was prepared because now Stiles were going to ask Derek to suck his dick and Derek was going to say _yes_ … _NO_! He was going to say NO! NO! GODDAMN IT!

“Yes,” Derek said before Stiles could say another word. If he were going to crash and burn at least he would do it with a bang. He could already picture himself being discarded, left, as Stiles hurried back to his lecture after having emptied his come in Derek’s mouth. Derek didn’t care, and maybe Kate hadn’t been enough for his brain to get that heartbreakers were the worst people to give your heart to.

Stiles looked at Derek as if he didn’t quite follow, which was strange. Derek dropped to his knees. Understanding dawned on Stiles face.

“You want to suck my dick,” Stiles said in the same tone he might have used while speaking about the weather. Derek didn’t want to answer the remark so he brought his hands up towards Stiles fly. Stiles batted away his eager hands. “I asked you a question,” Stiles said again and his eyes weren’t smiling anymore. Despite his stern expression he was still the most beautiful thing Derek had ever seen.

“Yes,” he breathed as a blush of shame made its way onto his face.

Stiles looked down at him. He didn’t look very pleased. Derek whimpered.

“Give me a full sentence.” Stiles sounded carefree, like he couldn’t care less if Derek blew him or not.

“Please,” Derek said even though he didn’t really want to. Here he was, begging to suck Stiles and said person didn’t even appear interested. It felt like Derek was pleading for a favour. “I want to suck your dick,” Derek continued because Stiles just stared at him without doing any movements. “Please.”

Stiles let out a breath, like he didn’t want to do this, not really. His hands started to fiddle with his belt and Derek held his breath. Shame, excitement and regret were mixing inside of him as he tried not to think about the part where Stiles abandoned him. Stiles unzipped his pants.

He wore dark boxer briefs and Derek felt his heart speed up, doing laps really. _God,_ he was really going to do this. Willingly and begging.

Stiles unceremoniously shoved down the briefs and his half hard cock spilled out into the cold autumn air. Derek had a hard time breathing. It was big, bigger than Derek would have anticipated and he had a sudden flashback to when that dark-haired guy had dry heaved and gagged in the woods. Still… despite the spark of fear there was something like longing inside of him as he stared at it because Stiles had a beautiful cock. Of course he had.

As Derek stared at it he felt like a moth seeing light in darkness.

“So,” Stiles said and Derek dragged away his gaze to stare up into cold honey-brown eyes. He had the unexplainable urge to whimper, afraid that he’d already displeased Stiles in some way. He’d smiled when they’d talked, why was this different?

 _Because he’s showing his true colours_ , a voice whispered in his inner. Derek swallowed nervously, knowing he was the one offering up his heart for wrecking.

“You can start sucking.”

Derek nodded quickly before getting to work, his mouth engulfing Stiles cock, not going too deep. Stiles let out a pleased sigh from above. Spurred on by the sound Derek started to suck and bob his head.

There was a strange feeling as he licked and sucked Stiles’ cock. A feeling telling him he belonged here on his knees in front of Stiles. Like this was his truly rightful place in the world. It had never felt like that with Kate, she’d just made him feel wrong and used. Stiles on the other hand… Despite the freshman not doing much else than allowing Derek to blow him, Derek couldn’t help but feel impossible turned on. Right now he would do anything Stiles asked of him. Anything.

 _That was probably bad_ , Derek thought briefly before bobbing down deeper, encouraged by Stiles quickening breath.

“That’s good,” Stiles breathed, his hand stroking through Derek’s hair. Derek couldn’t help but moan helplessly. “Look at me when you blow me,” Stiles continued after a few bobs.

Derek looked up from the strip of skin between Stiles’ T-shirt and the base of his cock to stare up into honey-brown eyes. Seeing those eyes while swallowing around Stiles now rock hard dick made something inside of him fucking **_explode_**. Stiles seemed to see the fire and feel the shockwave if his knowing smirk was anything to go by.

Derek continued to bob as Stiles’ hand put a hint of pressure on the back of his skull. “Okay,” Stiles said as his eyes travelled over Derek’s likely desperate expression as he felt the taste of precome on his tongue. “You can take me deeper can’t you?” Stiles said with a raised eyebrow and his fingers pressed against the back of Derek’s head in a commanding fashion. Derek pressed down deeper; his throat contracting against the intruder and Stiles let out a soft “ _fuuuuck_.”

Derek was rock hard but for once didn’t care about doing anything about it. He just watched Stiles face as he forced the walls of his throat to work around the thick cock slipping further down his throat. It burned but Derek only felt himself grow harder.

“You’ll let me do anything wouldn’t you,” Stiles’ breathed as his hips started to move, making Derek gag, but not enough for him to pull off Stiles’ cock. “Anything just to have my dick filling any of your holes.”

Derek only whined and bobbed faster, his eyes tearing and his chin slick with a mixture of spit and precome. _Anything_ , his mind confirmed. His eyes conveying the message to Stiles as his cheeks started to hurt from the constant friction against Stiles open fly. Not that it deterred Derek, rather the opposite.

“Such a bitch,” Stiles laughed cruelly and no, to that Derek did not agree. He wasn’t a bitch, Kate had said that and he just wasn’t. He let out a sound of protest even as Stiles buried himself deep in Derek’s throat. Derek’s eyes almost rolled backwards because of the sweet mixture of burn and arousal.

Stiles held Derek there.

Derek didn’t care, even as his throat fluttered wildly against Stiles cock, trying to force the object blocking Derek’s airways out, but to no avail. The burn and his arousal sharpened as Stiles grinded into his helpless throat, letting out a satisfied breath. “You are a bitch,” Stiles said after a few seconds in which Derek’s vision had started to blur. “Who else would agree to a blow a stranger? I could just choke you right now you know.”

Derek knew and he let out a gurgling sound of protest of being choked to death by Stiles’ cock. Still, he didn’t resist in any other way. Despite his hands resting on Stiles hard thighs, despite him in all probability being stronger than Stiles, he just took it. Protested against dying but leaving the decision for Stiles to make.

 _God, he’s right_ , he realised with not enough fear and too much arousal. _I would let him choke me_. _I am his bitch._

This attraction Derek felt for Stiles wasn’t healthy. What was it with the mole-dotted creature that made people beg to be used by him? This just wasn’t normal. Or perhaps Derek really was broken? First allowing Kate to make him her lapdog and now Stiles.

“You’re going to swallow,” Stiles said and let up. Allowing Derek to draw a lungful of air before clogging up his throat once again. New tears began to pour down Derek’s face. “You’re going to swallow and then thank me like a good _bitch_ ,” Stiles sounded almost angry and a bit hurt as he spit out the poisonous words.

Derek gurgled in agreement as he swallowed again and again, trying to make it good for Stiles. Good enough so that maybe he would come back.

Stiles let out a groan as he came down Derek’s throat. Derek lapped it up like a good bitch, shame colouring his cheeks.

Stiles just stood there for a moment. His eyes looking into Derek’s with a heaviness resting in his usually bright gaze. “Clean me up,” his voice was cold, bored. Derek did as told.

All the while Derek felt a sharp spike of regret that he hadn’t blown Stiles better. Stiles seemed less than impressed by his orgasm, he didn’t even bother to look at Derek as he licked away traces of come and spit. Derek couldn’t help the tears that started to pour again. He really was useless. Just as Kate used to say, “ _Lucky you have the looks because you clearly don’t have the skills.”_

Derek’s breath wobbled as he carefully gave Stiles’ quite lovely cock a last lingering swipe with his tongue.

Stiles zipped up.

Derek took a shaking breath as he tried to hide his tearstained face. _God_ , he was pathetic!

“Hey?” Suddenly Stiles was crouching down next to him, his voice a bit warmer, concerned. “Sorry, was that too much?” Stiles sounded horrified.

Derek just shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he whispered brokenly like the pathetic _bitch_ he was. He should have stayed far, far away from Stiles. The freshman had already destroyed him. “I tried to make it good.”

“Hey,” now the soft, warm creature that just happened to be human like everyone else despite being so much more whispered soothingly. “It was good,” Stiles assured, strong arms coming up to cradle Derek close to that firm chest. “I’m sorry, it was good, so good.”

Stiles stayed with him for over an hour, just whispering soothing words as Derek cried silently against Stiles’ Batman T-shirt, his whole body shaking. He didn’t know what he thought about Stiles staying with him, but he knew that this would make it harder. He was already obsessed with his body; he didn’t need to fall for _him_ as well. It would just hurt so much more in the end.

Derek had known he should stay far away from Stiles Stilinski. He’d known and still he hadn’t. And now, he had nobody to blame but himself.

 

5

“You’re growing a beard again?” Erica asked as she slid up to him, throwing an arm around Derek’s broad shoulders. Derek didn’t answer her. Didn’t tell her about him covering up the red rashes still visible on his cheeks after being rubbed against Stiles’ jeans zipper. He’d grown a beard in the past; this wasn’t necessary out of the ordinary.

Erica launched into a story about some drama during last nights party and Derek grunted where he thought he should. Both of them beginning to stroll towards the campus cafeteria where they would meet up with Laura and Boyd.

It had been three day’s since Derek had seen Stiles and he was pretty sure he hadn’t thought about anything else since. How Stiles had felt in his mouth, how he desperately whished for their one off to be something more, how Stiles had comforted him, missing out on his lecture in favour of soothing Derek who had managed to flip out.

The thought of him crying still left a deep feeling of shame.

Why would Stiles want anything with someone who had a freaking breakdown right after a casual blowjob? No, Stiles was more likely to meet up with the dark-haired guy than Derek.

The thought hurt.

“And then Stilinski, you know Stiles, was suddenly there and just broke them up. I swear to you Derek he’s like the Dalai Lama of collage! He’s stopped so many fights before they even begun that I wouldn’t be surprised if he turned out to be the new messiah or something.”

Derek would be very surprised if Stiles turned out to be some kind of saint. Or on a second note… he thought back at caressing arms and whispered words, kindness… maybe not.

“And you know Stilinski then just declared he would go ‘ _moon dancing’_ and everybody were like ‘sign me up’…”

Derek listened carefully as Erica told him how the whole club had been emptied and how everybody had followed Stiles out into the woods to play. How some people had gotten hold of a guitar and one of those wooden-box-drums and how suddenly they were all dancing underneath the moon. All twirling around and basically having the time of their life.

Derek felt something hurt deep in his chest.

“Come on,” Erica had said and kissed Derek’s cheek with a laugh. “You should join us next time instead of… what is it you do? Read? Study? Jerk off?”

“Shut up,” Derek only grunted as Erica started to tickle him in the quest of getting him to smile. “I know you have a smile in there, yes you do, yes you do,” she exclaimed in a baby-voice. “Come out, come out, wherever you are!”

“Hey,” Derek couldn’t help as his mouth twitched into what was clearly a beam. “Stop,” his hands grabbed hold of hers to stop her from attacking his stomach with nimble fingers. Erica beamed at him with a playful look in her eyes.

“Derek,” the voice made Derek’s smile drop faster than a falling piano as his body tensed. _Stiles_.

He turned around and right as rain there he was. His skin still so tempting and his mouth… Derek forced himself not to plead for something, anything. “Stiles,” he whispered breathlessly. His chest hurt.

Stiles looked slightly annoyed, not a good sign, he was surrounded by his usual gang, all of them sending him glances while talking quietly to each other. Derek wanted to be there, standing next to Stiles, but friends were already surrounding him. Derek didn’t see himself fit in beside Stiles.

“Come,” he said and before this very moment Derek had had a fear and a hope that maybe Stiles wouldn’t come back. Just as maybe the dull ache in his chest would disappear after a while and thoughts of Stiles would start to burn less bright.

He’d wished for Stiles to come and say just this to him in the middle of the night, usually while having one off. But as he left Erica wordlessly, her fingers slipping away from his skin, he only felt fear for falling harder than he already had. For everything hurting more than it already did.

How did Stiles feel, knowing he possessed this power over Derek and so many others?

Stiles led them to the janitors’ closet of all places. Derek played with the thought of trying to say no, only to just as quickly abandon it because he knew he would never deny Stiles anything.

Stiles locked the door behind them, his eyes captivating and angry. “Listen,” he said and crowded Derek against the opposite wall. His face so close Derek could feel the warmth radiating from his supple skin. “You’re my bitch,” he reminded Derek in a vicious voice.

Derek felt the need to protest despite knowing the truth in those words.

“Repeat after me,” Stiles said as he pressed closer to Derek, his body lying heavy above Derek’s slightly broader one. The warmth was too good. “I’m Stiles’ bitch. Now say it.”

Derek couldn’t help but gasp as he tried to escape the daze his mind was surrounded by. But Stiles was right there, his glorious body embracing Derek’s and he couldn’t refuse the addicting boy anything. “I’m Stiles’ bitch,” Derek bit out brokenly. And damn if his eyes didn’t sting of tears beginning to pour down.

Stiles withdrew abruptly and Derek wanted to kick himself for being so pathetic that he couldn’t even follow simple instructions without starting to wail.

“Sorry,” Stiles said as he backed away. His face looking distressed as he dragged a shaking hand through his hair. “I shouldn’t-”

“Don’t go,” Derek pleaded. _God_ , please, don’t let him chase Stiles away, especially after being granted a second chance. “Please,” he continued as he reached for Stiles hesitantly, not knowing what would happen if the freshman rejected him. He would probably break.

But Stiles didn’t reject him. Instead he pressed closer. Took Derek’s face between surprisingly large palms and dragged soothing circles over Derek’s cheekbones with his thumbs. Derek let out a sob of relief and pressed into the soft touch with desperation. He needed to collect himself, needed to make this worth Stiles time, make Stiles come back.

And why would Stiles come back to something broken?

“Don’t go,” Derek found himself whispering again. “I’m your bitch,” he then said only because he knew it might please Stiles. “Only yours.”

Stiles did a choked sound and his face didn’t look displeased per se so Derek counted that as a victory. He didn’t particularly liked being called a bitch, but if it would make Stiles stay he would shout it over the rooftops, tattoo it on his skin, repeat it every minute of every day. Stiles thumbs continued to stroke soothingly. Derek’s eyelids fluttered.

“Yes you are.”

 

6

Maybe he should have seen it coming. Things had almost started to be good, too good. And he’d known who Stiles was, how unreachable someone like he would always be, but foolish as he was he’d started to hope.

He’d met up with Stiles a few more times, the freshman even made a deal of greeting him in the corridor, something Derek constantly screwed up reproaching because he always had a minor heart attack when Stiles smiled in his general direction. When they tumbled together in the janitors’ closet or the woods it was always desperation colouring their movements. Always Derek sucking Stiles off or Stiles’ hand gliding up and down Derek’s cock in a taunting manner.

First time it happened Derek had come embarrassingly fast.

So it had been good because Stiles hadn’t discarded him even once. Always lingering and hugging Derek close to his chest while whispering praise and stroking his back softly. Derek never said, but he lived for those moments. He would do anything, anything, to be able to rest in Stiles arms and listen to his rich voice telling him how good he’d been, how much Stiles had enjoyed it. It filled a space inside of Derek he hadn’t known was empty.

But it wasn’t like they had a relationship. Derek was someone to Stiles; he’d never been left behind like that dark-haired guy in the woods, but it wasn’t like he had any claim on Stiles. Actually he had none at all.

So when Erica after a lot of talking and pursuing managed to drag Derek’s ‘ _lazy-ass’_ to a party during the full moon, he’d decided to enjoy himself. He wasn’t constantly afraid anymore that Stiles would tear open his chest, rip out his heart and stamp all over it. He’d actually been harbouring dangerous thoughts about asking Stiles if he maybe wanted to have dinner some time. Because _maybe_ he would say yes.

Butterflies fluttered inside of Derek at the dangerous thought but he couldn’t help it. He’d been filled with hope and so many plans and treacherous thoughts about maybe holding Stiles’ hand in the corridor or the cafeteria. Introducing Stiles and all his wonder to Laura, Erica and Boyd. Maybe… Maybe…

So many plans. So much hope.

The place was crowded as usual; the DJ playing some crap Derek had heard versions of on the radio as the lights flickered in all colour variations imaginable. Derek talked – or rather screamed – to Boyd when he didn’t twirl Erica around the place, drank some beer and had an over all good time. Not even the lack of his favourite honey-brown eyes could quite dampen his mood. Someone in the club had opened the windows and Derek stared up at the moon lurking behind some veil like clouds.

He almost felt peaceful for the first time since Kate.

“Hey there gorgeous,” an unfamiliar voice giggled. Derek turned around and came face to face with… what was her name? Jenna? Ginny? Jane? He recognised her somewhat. They had some courses together, he thought.

“Hey,” he said as he smelled the strong scent of alcohol on her breath. She was clearly drunk, Derek noticed as she leaned towards him, her cleavage almost spilling out from her dress. Derek pressed himself closer to the open window, wary of falling out.

“What are you doing all alone gorgeous,” she slurred, a finger with red nail polish making circles in the middle of his chest. Derek almost choked on his own spit.

“I’m not alone,” he answered as he desperately tried to cry for help to Boyd where he was twirling Erica like a girl twirling a drill rod. “I’m here with someone.”

“Well,” the girl pouted, leaning her body against Derek’s. “Aren’t I more fun than them?”

“No,” Derek said and _now_ he could say no. Just great.

“You seem to work out much,” the girl ignored Derek’s dismissal and rubbed up against him instead, her hand coming around to poke at Derek’s bicep. She let out squeal of delight. “That’s some muscles!”

Derek tried to shove her away, he really did. But the girl simply went with his shoves, worming herself into his arms rather than allowing herself to be pushed away, making it appear as if Derek was hugging her when he really was trying to shove her off of him. He began to panic.

“Listen,” Derek said with a cracking voice, this reminded him too much of Kate and how she used to hold him down. “You need to let go-”

Then she was kissing him, her mouth descending on his with a wet splosh of red lipstick and spit. His cries came out muffled. She took the chance and stuck her tongue into his mouth.

Derek felt the sting of unshed tears in his eyes. He needed to get her away, needed to get her off of him.

Boyd danced past with Erica and gave him thumbs up.

Derek fought, her grip surprisingly strong as she held on. He considered biting her tongue as it stroke and invaded his mouth while he was trying to back off, but he was trapped. Trapped while being shone on by the full moon just outside the window, Derek felt his breath shorten and a feeling of utter weakness wash over his senses. He was close to having a panic attack.

Then he lifted his eyes from Jenny, Ginny, Jane, and there was Stiles, Stiles staring at him as if Derek was the scum of the earth, as if he hadn’t ever seen anything quite that disgusting. Derek wanted to call out, to tell him that he didn’t want this, that he was just so weak right now, because he was a pathetic mess that Kate had left behind which nobody had bothered to really fix.

Stiles just gave him a look that told him whatever they’d had was over. That Stiles wasn’t interested in bitches that weren’t only his to abuse and then he turned around. Derek felt something inside of him break because he’d known this day would come, the day when Stiles left him behind.

He felt himself go lax and simply collapsed onto the floor. Jane, Ginny, Jenny let go of him finally. Presumably she wasn’t interested in making out with a seizure case and let out a shrill little scream.

Boyd was at his side in an instance. “Derek, are you okay?”

Derek couldn’t answer, he felt himself dry heave as tears poured down his face something was missing from his chest, something vital. _Stiles, Stiles, Stiles_. He’d looked so disgusted and done with Derek and now he would never approach him again. Derek felt tainted and used and not worthy and, and…

He couldn’t fucking breath. He couldn’t breath.

“Derek! DEREK! Shit! Erica he’s having a panic attack! God, I thought we were done with this! Derek can you hear me?!”

Derek clawed at the floor as he breathed too fast to actually get any air into his lungs. He needed to get to Stiles, needed to tell him that Jane or fuckever was nothing, that it was all a misunderstanding, that he was still Stiles’ bitch now and forever. He needed to tell him to please, please don’t leave him.

“Derek I need you to relax,” Boyd said as he put a hand over Derek’s galloping heart. “I need you _not_ to think about whatever it was that started this.”

Derek tried, he really did. He tried to forget honey-brown eyes cold as ice, unforgiving. He tried to concentrate on the feeling he’d had just minutes ago, the feeling of being at peace, the feeling of being free of Kate’s claws and instead stuck in Stiles’ soft hands.

He tried to remember the moon, so pale and so like Stiles’ skin.

His breathing evened out slowly, there was a bunch of people around them, worried people, watching people. There was even some dickhead that had brought out a phone. Derek only lay on the floor, weak as a newborn lamb.

“Derek,” Erica whispered as she stroke his forehead carefully. “Hey big guy. How are you feeling?”

Derek felt tears run down his face as he sobbed quietly. Was this how it felt to be dumped? Maybe he should try to talk to Stiles before allowing the pain eating away at his walls to destroy him? Maybe he should try to explain? Stiles would listen wouldn’t he?

Erica seemed to realise that she wouldn’t get an answer out of him as he laid crying and shaking on the sticky floor of the club. “We need to get him home,” she told Boyd firmly. Boyd only nodded, his eyes shining of concern.

They managed to lift him off the floor, Derek doing his best to stand on his own two feet… but it was hard. Some other guy came to help them; someone named Isaac who apparently had experienced something alike in the past. “Panic attacks,” he’d said when they dragged Derek down the stairs to the clubs lower floor. “Used to have them so I know how one looks.”

Derek tried to look for Stiles as he stumbled between Isaac and Boyd, he didn’t know what to do if he found him but he couldn’t stop searching. It was like an itch underneath his skin. Neither Erica nor Boyd noticed, too busy chatting away with Isaac as they navigated the outskirts of the dance floor towards the exit.

When Derek’s eyes found Stiles he almost wished he hadn’t.

Stiles were dancing with some guy, his hands buried in red hair, such a different colour from Derek’s brown, and swaying his hips seductively. By the way redhead gripped Stiles’ hips and stared into his eyes you could see he was hooked on the drug labelled Stiles Stilinski.

Derek tried to swallow down the bile rising in his throat as he watched familiar fingers slide through unfamiliar red. Fingers that had stroked his cheekbone, cradled his head, rubbed his back, patted his hair, now touching someone else. Derek couldn’t watch it. Couldn’t watch how Stiles rubbed against the stranger and how he, still so beautiful, stretched his neck and smiled towards the celling.

Derek felt like whatever had filled the empty space inside of him was ripped away as Stiles kissed the stranger hungrily.

Stiles had never kissed Derek.

“Derek,” Erica said with concern filling her voice.

Stiles eyes found his through the crowd, his mouth still busy kissing the redhead. Honey-brown eyes.

Derek couldn’t do this, not now, not ever. He was sure the tears on his face; the crack in his heart, was visible from space. His heart hammered a last song as pain broke through whatever walls of denial he’d upheld.

It unsurprisingly hurt to have your heart broken.

 

7

“You have to eat,” Erica said as she sat beside his bed. Her eyes firm and perhaps a little desperate. “I don’t know what happened? You were doing so well!”

Derek looked out through the window. He had been doing well actually. Kate hadn’t actually destroyed his life or maybe she had. It was his fault in the end, his fault for falling for people that could never love him back.

 _Stiles_.

Even thinking his name dug up something sharp and dangerous inside of Derek. Could you die from the pain of heartbreak? Was that a thing?

“Eat,” Erica insisted as she waved a bit of bread in his face. “You have to come back to campus soon, you’ve missed a week dude.”

Derek nodded, he knew. But he wondered if his heart could take witnessing Stiles and someone else kiss, smile together. Derek should have known he was only a distraction; Stiles hadn’t exactly dumped him like the dark-haired guy in the woods but he’d never kissed him either. It should have been ringing warning bells in Derek’s head from the beginning, but he’d been too weak to properly protect his heart… again.

Erica talked for a while as Derek tried to come up with excuses to stay in bed, to never return to reality again. Perhaps he shouldn’t do collage? Perhaps it would be easier if he could go home and start working at his uncle Peter’s company? After all, nothing was worth all this suffering.

 _Stiles is_ , his brain whispered. And sure, he would gladly suffer for Stiles, but right now he wasn’t suffering _for_ the beautiful enigma, he was suffering _because_ of it.

Derek felt something like claws of despair drag him under as he stared out the window, wishing to see a full moon and realise Stiles’ abandoning hadn’t happened yet. Realising he still could change things if he only was strong enough to tell Jane, Ginny, whatever to fuck off.

“Please,” Erica pleaded, her soft hand scratching through his hair. “Please come back. Don’t let Kate ruin you life.”

Everything had been so good, how had it managed to turn bad so fast?

 

8

Derek was officially back at the university. His absence had been written off as a cold rather than the depression dip it had been. Derek wasn’t necessarily back because he wanted to; rather he was back because of the phone call from his mother. Her voice had been filled with such worry that Derek had felt ashamed for scaring his parents to such a degree. His mother had been talking about him seeing a psychiatrist.

Which he didn’t want to. Not again.

Everyday millions of people dealt with heartbreak and barely anyone stopped living their life because of it. But apparently Derek was fucked up, just like that Bella girl in his sister’s favourite book. Sure, he’d only been down two weeks not a year… so far at least.

Now, he had two very important rules to follow if he wanted to manage college. One, stay as far away from Stiles as possible. Two, study until the hurt turned numb.

Perhaps he should have been surprised that his first – and most important rule – was broken mere minutes after entering the main building.

“Derek.”

 _God_ , that voice. Derek should keep walking, he really should. Erica paused beside him, her eyes going from Stiles to Derek’s face, observing.

“Derek, at the club, I heard-”

Derek felt some sort of noise leave him at the reminder. The club. Stiles in the arms of another. He felt a faint tremor run through him.

“Listen Stilinski,” Erica was suddenly talking with a sharp voice. Derek covered behind her, hiding like a coward behind the proud rock that was one of his best friends. He tried not to listen to his emotions that screamed at him to reach out to Stiles, to beg for forgiveness and promise to do anything, be anything, as long as he wouldn’t touch anyone else again but Derek.

“I don’t-” Stiles sounded annoyed.

“Now listen,” Erica almost hissed. Someone passing by gave her a glare, shooting a questioning look Stiles’ way. Stiles only shook his head slightly, his concentration directed towards where Derek was standing, looking away as he tried to behave like a normal human being. The person walking by didn’t stop walking but he also didn’t stop glaring at Erica.

“If Derek has something to say he can say it to me himself,” Stiles said with annoyance colouring his words. Derek felt small tremors run through his body. He would keep the pain in check, he would.

“No he won’t,” Erica said stepping away from Derek to close in on Stiles. Derek desperately wished her back by his side. He couldn’t deal with this right now, emotionally he really couldn’t. This was supposed to be a fresh start, a Stiles-less start. “Derek won’t have anything to do with you and I would appreciate if you could keep away.”

No, no, Derek didn’t want Stiles to keep away. He wanted… but that was just the problem, he wanted too much.

“As I said I would like to hear it from Derek,” Stiles said in a low, dangerous voice. Suddenly Derek had a vision of the whole campus hating Erica because she’d crossed Stiles, the campus darling. Erica loved to dance and attend parties. Derek felt something like bile rise in his throat; he couldn’t let her take that bullet for him, it was his mess, he’d been the one who’d allowed himself to become Stiles bitch.

“He don’t have to say anything to you,” Erica growled. “Sick fucks like you are the reason he’s hurting.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Stiles,” Derek forced himself to turn around as he whispered the name of the one who still had him in his palm. The one who, if Stiles wanted, could utterly ruin _him_. And that’s the reason why they shouldn’t be together, what they had wasn’t something between two equals; it was and always had been something else entirely. And after Kate Derek needed stability, he needed someone who healed him rather than made his heart ache and break little by little.

“I think,” Derek continued. “That we shouldn’t see each other… at all.”

Derek would have liked to say he saw a flash of something vulnerable underneath furrowed eyebrows and eyes lined with thick dark eyelashes. But he wasn’t sure. Because after a heartbeat Stiles went cold. So frightfully cold.

“I don’t need a _bitch_ like you anyway,” he said in a low voice. Making Erica gasp at his words because Stiles might swear but he wasn’t cruel. Oh, how he had the world fooled. “I hope you and Jenifer have your happy ever after,” he said casually as if he hadn’t just broken down what little healing Derek had managed the two latest weeks. “Hope you can get it up without thinking about choking on my dick.”

“Stilinski,” Erika said with a faint voice, like she needed to double check if this was reality. Unfortunately it was all too real. Derek began to shake as he watched Stiles walk down the corridor, a stream of people easily joining behind him, all of them sending foul looks Derek and Erica’s way.

As Stiles rounded the corner and disappear from Derek’s view he breathed out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. That was apparently not all he’d held back.

“Derek,” Erica said as she stared at him in horror. “You’re crying.”

“I’m sorry,” he said because he remembered the times when he’d been the strong one, before Kate, and how now Erica was the one comforting him. “I shouldn’t have come back.” He furiously whipped away the streams on his cheeks.

“Don’t say that,” Erica said firmly albeit trembling. “Don’t let him rule your life.”

Derek felt himself shake as he tried to salvage what salvaged could be from the horrific encounter. His emotions were a wreck, the shock of seeing Stiles, of talking to him, not fully over.

“I would never have called psychopath on this one,” Erica murmured as they continued down the hall, every once in a while getting glared at by strangers, surely they’d heard about them having an argument with Stiles, the campus darling. “Fucking sicko,” she continued to mutter.

Derek just felt the tingling feeling in his fingertips that told about shock letting go and pain setting in. It was going to be a rough day.

 

9

The campus officially hated them. The whole student body with not a single exception… except maybe Isaac. Derek didn’t know how to handle the hostility shot at him so he just hid behind Erica, Boyd, Laura and sometimes Isaac.

Isaac had miraculously enough become close friends with Erica and Boyd before Derek had returned after his two-week absence and had thus chosen to be bullied along with them. It felt weirdly like the high school experienced everybody had talked about but had never happened to Derek. But then again, he’d been a normal non-falling-for-psychopaths kinda guy during high school, now he was apparently just a fragile creature that fell for the madman backed up by all of campus.

If it only had been _only_ Derek who’d been affected.

Erica had stopped going to parties, Laura no longer had all that many friends in her year, Boyd had stopped playing football and Isaac… well Isaac didn’t seem to have a whole lot of other friends so he was at least somewhat pleased.

Today Derek’s books were destroyed. Wet and disgusting. He should have kept a closer eye on his bag, because this was what happened when you were careless, distracted by Stiles walking by at the other end of the corridor in all his Derek-hating glory.

He wiped the soggy remains of his books with paper tissues, praying that neither Erica, Boyd, Laura nor Isaac found out about this. He knew they worried about him, and their worry was so far the single reason to why he was still attending collage. Otherwise he would have dropped out because _this_ that was happening right now was torture. He was doubtful he’d ever felt this tired, this resigned, to being hurt over and over again with Kate.

“Hey,” Derek felt himself tense at the unfamiliar voice. He turned round from his wet books, prepared for some half-ass insult from a stranger. The boy looked to be in his age, he had a short brown hair and a delirious smile on his face, like it was his first day in school and nobody had told him it was customary to hate going.

“What,” he growled because people didn’t approach Derek if they weren’t going to harass him.

“I’m here visiting a friend,” the guy said, he actually reminded Derek of a giant puppy. “Do you know where the cafeteria lies?”

Derek relaxed marginally since it appeared the stranger wasn’t set on making his life more difficult. Actually, the kid was pretty adorable (not that he would ever admit it of course). “Sure,” Derek said because not only was he an emotional wreck, he was apparently nice to strangers as well. Laura would be so proud.

“Great!” The guy basically wagged his tail. Derek couldn’t help but to snort in amusement, maybe the day wasn’t totally ruined, despite soggy books. “My name is Scott by the way!”

“Derek,” Derek offered in return. “Look,” he then continued. “You have to go down this corridor until you get to a bigger one, it’s not hard to miss. Then just follow it to the right, walk for a bit and there you have it. Cafeteria.”

“Thanks!” Scott beamed as he hitched his bag higher onto his shoulder. “And I’m sorry for your books,” he faltered as his eyes flickered to Derek’s ruined textbooks on the table. “Didn’t know college was full of assholes.”

Derek didn’t even try to lie about dropping the books in a pond as he responded with a shrug. “They are everywhere. You just have to learn how to live with it.”

Scott looked concerned, as if he wanted to stay and help Derek avenge his textbooks. “I can help dry them if you want? I don’t have to be in the cafeteria just yet.”

Derek shrugged again because why not? If it meant Laura, Boyd, Isaac and Erica wouldn’t notice then great.

Scott was apparently here to visit his best friend from high school. “Not that you’ll know who he is, I don’t think you hang in the same circles.” Scott also talked a lot about this Allison girl who apparently was his girlfriend. Derek got the feeling that Scott had a habit of describing Allison’s finer features to everyone he spoke to. Not that Derek minded. It was nice to think about something else than his own pain for once, almost relaxing.

The books really wasn’t all that destroyed and Derek was almost positive at least four of them was still usable. Scott lingered by his side before being on his way, reminding Derek that he should make use of those muscles he so obviously possessed. Derek only offered Scott one of his rare smiles, making the guy wave his invisible tail and beam back in a silly fashion.

Then he was gone, and Derek was alone… again.

 

10

“Derek! Derek! Can you fucking wait?!”

Actually if Derek had any survival instincts he would be running for his life. But since he’d never actually stopped being Stiles’ bitch he just stopped his brisk pace. Allowing Stiles to catch up with him in the dim forest. He had just wanted to go jogging in peace was that too much to ask for?

Apparently, because Stiles in all his Stilinski glory was approaching with quick steps. Derek tried not to see how good Stiles looked in a pair of sweatpants and a tight T-shirt while his alabaster skin appeared luminous in the dying light. It made him look even more otherworldly than usual.

“Thank you!” Stiles said sarcastically and Derek hadn’t meant to flinch at the tone but he couldn’t help it. Stiles’ steps faltered momentarily before he took the final strides, standing close, too close. Here Derek couldn’t help but notice that long neck, lean body and slightly glistening skin. He tried not to feel the longing that urged his hands to stroke over the firm stomach-

Derek jerked himself out of the dangerous thoughts. He’d almost managed to recover, almost…

“Look,” Stiles said as he dragged his hand through his hair. Derek couldn’t supress a whimper at the thought of those hands clutching red hair as Stiles’ body rubbed against a stranger. “I heard someone’s being an ass to you.”

Derek didn’t quite get it.

“So, who is it?” Stiles looked hard at Derek as if he expected him to deny he was bullied. Which was ridiculous because Stiles had to know that he’d basically exiled Derek and his friends. Right?

“Listen,” Derek said and thanked his lucky star his voice didn’t crack. Maybe if he laid the facts out there Stiles would at least do something about this exile situation. “That night at the club…”

_Don’t think of Stiles. Don’t think of him and redhead. Don’t think of Stiles._

Derek didn’t think of Stiles, he thought about Erica and how she loved to dance and how Boyd loved to play football. He thought that if not for himself, then for them.

“That girl, she… I didn’t want to kiss her. I-” he took a deep breath, stubbornly keeping his gaze on the ground. “I tried to get her off me but I- I couldn’t.” Derek had started to breathe too quickly, but he just couldn’t stop. “And then I had a panic attack and- and-” God, why did his chest feel compressed all of a sudden. His inhales turned high-pitched.

“Hey calm down,” suddenly Stiles’ hands where cupping Derek’s face and _god_ , Derek hadn’t even realised how empty he’d been before those soft hands was once again on his skin. He whimpered into the feeling as he pressed towards the warm, dry surface of Stiles’ palms.

Erica would be so disappointed if she saw him now.

The thought was sobering because he realised that he couldn’t do this again. He couldn’t submit to Stiles just to be discarded next time something didn’t go Stiles’ way. He couldn’t stay in this limbo where he constantly worried about if he was enough…

It broke his heart all over again, like reopening an almost closed wound when he withdrew from the false safety of Stiles’ hands. His cheeks suddenly cold as ice and his heart bleeding anew.

“I,” Derek continued as he once again refused to meet Stiles’ gaze. He knew those honey-brown eyes would otherwise be his undoing. “I never did anything to anger you… I’m sorry if I hurt you…”

_If I wasn’t a good enough bitch as you so graciously called me_

“… But please, I love my friends, they shouldn’t suffer for my mistakes.”

He couldn’t see Stiles’ eyes so he didn’t know how his words were received. Didn’t know if Stiles looked at him with contempt, confusion or kindness. Perhaps it was as well, he didn’t need Stiles approval, didn’t need Stiles period, despite what his heart might be howling.

“I,” Stiles sounded small. “I didn’t know it was because of me… I never told anyone to hurt you.”

“Please,” Derek whispered hoarsely. “At least tell them to stop.”

“Of course, I- Derek, I didn’t know.”

Derek only nodded, his eyes stinging of unshed tears that begged to be let out, his heart was aching again. A feeling he should be used to by now but feared he never would. Everything felt so raw. Because now he’d cleared the air and now there was no more reason for either of them to meet again. It’s best this way he tried to convince every fibre of his being, every fibre that longed to fall into Stiles’ arms and allow him to shape them however he pleased.

It was best this way.

So Derek only nodded, because it _was_ best this way. He turned from Stiles; the woods eerily quiet around them.

“Derek?” If only Stiles voice didn’t wobble like he was on the verge of tears.

“Yes,” he answered because he was not only a fool, he was a fool in love.

“I’m sorry,” Stiles whispered. “I thought you and Jennifer… I should… I should have asked, checked with you. I didn’t mean to…”

“Hurt me?” Derek’s voice sounded thick. Filled with sorrow and ugliness. He’d imagine Stiles asking forgiveness would have felt better but really, it would have been so much easier if he’d been the monster Derek had suspected him of being. The monster he sometimes turned into. But it was never that simple.

“Yeah, I was upset… I didn’t think,” Stiles was pleading, begging really, Derek to understand. What for, Derek didn’t know. What else was he to Stiles than another distraction? Stiles already had people lining up to be that, he didn’t need someone like Derek and Derek sure as hell didn’t need someone like Stiles. Because Derek had already had one Kate, he didn’t need another one. No matter the softness and beauty.

Erica was right. If he didn’t break loose… chances were he never would.

“I don’t blame you.” Because how could you blame someone for being who they were? “But I can’t do this Stiles, I can’t… Please respect that.” If only the knife stabbing his heart for every word wouldn’t stab quite so deep.

Stiles was quiet. Even the woods didn’t make a squeak.

Derek made to start running, because he wouldn’t be able to jog, not after this.

“What about me?” The voice was so quiet Derek wondered if he’d misheard. He shouldn’t stay; he should run because the path that was Stiles only led to madness without return. “Will you just leave me?”

Derek wanted to say yes. For once he wanted to say yes when he before had strived after a no agenda. But he couldn’t. He could neither say no, because that would be damaging beyond all repair. At least silence could mean so many things, could mean ‘ _I’m leaving you’_ but also ‘ _I would stay forever if you asked me’_. Derek doesn’t know what his silence means, but for his own sanity, he pretends to know.

“There are others,” Derek said even though he felt sick just mentioning others to Stiles. He clenches his shaking hands. “They would be more than willing to be your anything. I’m not hard to replace.”

 _Stiles did **not** step closer_ , Derek tried to convince himself despite knowing gravel didn’t sound like that by itself.

“But I don’t want somebody else,” Stiles sounded miserable and Derek couldn’t do this. He couldn’t refuse Stiles despite knowing he had little to no ability in telling sincerity from lies. His heart was already making itself comfortable in Stiles palm once again and he _couldn’t_ do this.

When Derek took another breath it sounded more like a sob than anything else. “Please Stiles,” he would beg for release if nothing else.

“You started this!” Stiles almost shouted, his voice filled with hurt. “I just wanted to get to know you but you only wanted to suck my dick! I- I- I wanted to talk about the new Avengers movie with you and say bad puns but you were suddenly down on your knees and I don’t get it!”

Derek couldn’t stand and listen to this, the tears pouring down his face wouldn’t stop and his legs were shaking under his weight.

“I did as you wanted! I was what you wanted and I screwed up at the club but don’t you say ‘ _you can’t do this’_!” Stiles were crying behind him, every word like a physical punch to Derek’s abdomen. He tried to breath but found air evading him. “Don’t you dare leave me!”

There was like Derek saw thousands of small signs suddenly coming together in a puzzle that made sense. It was frightening because even though it shouldn’t make sense maybe it did and Derek didn’t know how to fix it. He was a mess.

“You never kissed me,” Derek managed go get out as he fell to his knees, trying to breathe in the cold air. “You never-” the words were too many and his head spun too much.

Suddenly Stiles were dragging him into his arms, his mouth kissing the side of Derek’s face carefully as he rubbed his back with firm hands. Derek managed a mouthful of air as he pressed into the soft heat that was Stiles. How could he ever have tried to give this up? The ground was cold as he found himself crawling into Stiles lap, the tears pouring down his face but looking up into honey-brown eyes he found wetness there as well.

Stiles stared down at him with something like fire and ice all mixed into one, his sharp cheekbones bringing forth another dimension of beauty.

“I was planning to ask you for dinner,” Derek whispered after staring up into slightly red eyes and feeling his heart mend. “I saw you in the woods and I just assumed-”

“I shouldn’t have hooked up with Sam,” Stiles interrupted. “But we’d met at a club way back and had a go then and I ran into him at the trail and we just...” Stiles did a grimace.

“But when you saw me you smiled,” Derek accused into the softness of Stiles hands. Stiles fingers nimbly traveling up and down his face.

“I panicked,” Stiles returned. “It was either that or start blabbing.” He stroked Derek’s cheekbones. “Honestly Derek,” he continued as he let out a wobbly smile. “I was like basically fleeing a crime scene, leaving Sam alone and all, just to not die of mortification.”

“But you,” Derek didn’t know what to say.

“I may be a bit fucked up,” Stiles admitted. His hands shaking slightly. “I can’t filter my mouth some times and yeah, I like it rough, but that’s pretty much it.”

Derek stared up into honey-brown eyes, feeling like the biggest fool on the planet. He’d thought that Stiles was evil. That he was another Kate.

“Derek,” Stiles said with a trembling voice, his hands not leaving his face for a second. “Please don’t leave me.”

 

11

Laura was not pleased per se, but she wasn’t surprised either. Erica was not speaking to Derek and when she broke her silence it was only to tell him what a moron he was. Boyd was like Isaac, distant.

“I don’t want your friends to hate me,” Stiles had whispered after being ignored by Erica yet again. “I don’t want them to hate you.” Derek had been ignored as well.

“They’re worried,” Derek had explained as he’d stared like a possessed down to where Stiles’ and his hands were intertwined. It was a bit like the feeling of fluffy, pink clouds. “The last girlfriend I had was a manipulative bastard who almost killed off my whole family.”

Stiles went quiet and dragged Derek away to the janitors’ closet in which he began kissing Derek and asking him to ‘ _please tell me’_. Derek did, because he could never deny Stiles anything. Then Derek asked Stiles for more kisses, which he provided, because Stiles could as well never deny Derek anything.

For once in his life Derek felt whole, stronger. Almost like he once had felt before Kate, like maybe he wasn’t broken but only slightly dented. He loved to carry Stiles around his apartment in which they spent all their hours having sex or watching movies. Stiles had been especially horrified when Derek had confessed he’d never seen Captain America.

“It’s like the coolest movie ever dude!” he’d exclaimed as he’d jumped up and down the bed, his naked body glistening in the sun. “I can not believe you have not seen it!”

Derek’s life was good.

 

12

“Listen,” Stiles said as he looked into Derek’s eyes, honey-brown orbs positively glowing in the moonlight. “I’m going to fuck you and you’re going to take it like a good bitch.”

Derek nodded, his whole body shaking in anticipation despite them doing this just hours before. He needed to feel Stiles everywhere, around him, inside him. He let out a small whimper.

Stile pressed a quick kiss onto Derek’s lips, a smirk playing at his own when he withdrew. Derek simply held up his legs further, making room for Stiles to fuck him. He didn’t want to beg but pride was something he’d never possessed when dealing with Stiles. If the idiot kept him hanging much longer Derek would beg… if the jerk still kept from giving Derek a good pounding he was positive he would throw Stiles down on the bed and ride him however he pleased. It had happened before.

But tonight Stiles wasn’t a dickhead and he did thrust into Derek, muttering filth about how he “ _was just dripping for it_ ” and should “ _take it like an obedient bitch_.” Derek only whined at the feeling of fullness inside of his body.

Stiles circled his hips and let out a moan. When his cock brushed over Derek’s prostate Derek couldn’t help but join in. “So fucking good,” Stiles praised and Derek drank it up like a man tasting water in the desert. Stiles’ hips drew on forward, burying himself inside of Derek with rough shoves.

Derek took it with the delight of a bitch, as Stiles was quick to remind him. Totally unapologetic as his back bowed and his hands fumbled to hold onto the bed sheets in abandonment. It felt like having a piece of heaven.

Then Stiles bit down on Derek’s neck like the possessive bastard he was, sucking and nibbling while his hips kept pistoning back and forward like a freaking machine. Derek only gasped and prayed that they wouldn’t get another noise complaint; he’d received four this month (and today was just December the fifth).

“Bitch,” Stiles huffed and Derek gasped in response. “Take my cock,” he murmured as he pounded into Derek _quicker_ and _deeper_ – now how the every flying fuck he managed to do that Derek would never figure out. “Milk it.”

Derek began working his muscles, clenching down on Stiles as he moaned in ecstasy. In this moment Stiles looked so fucking beautiful that Derek felt the sudden need to pledge faith to whichever God that had decided to let Derek have this man.

Then Stiles’ orgasm washed over him and Stiles closed his eyes and turned his face upward, allowing the moon to light up his features. Derek’s heart might have stopped. He truly was Stiles’, now and forever.

“Stiles,” Derek gasped as the beautiful, honey-brown eyed boy pulled out. “You need to get your mouth on my cock, now.”

Stiles only smirked with an expression that screamed ‘ _who’s-gonna-make-me-(?)-you-(?)_ ’. So Derek grabbed hold of Stiles brown hair, so soft to the touch, and dragged him down towards his crouch.

“Get working,” he breathed out. His gaze fixed on Stiles as his perfect mouth began nibbling at the head of his cock, a pink tongue taking one, two swipes. He grunted at the teasing. “Come on,” he pushed and Stiles simply smirked before opening his mouth.

 _God,_ that mouth.

“That’s right,” Derek grunted as his hips began jerking, the earlier fucking already making him ready to blow his load. “Take it like a good _bitch_.”

Even though Stiles was busy deepthroating him, Derek could have sworn he spotted Stiles’ smirk somewhere in the perfect _‘o’_ -shape his mouth formed around Derek’s cock.

The stars came crashing down as he felt himself falling over the edge. But it was okay, because the moon was already on earth; busy licking its lips while beaming at Derek, whispering the sure words “I love you.”

 

13

Derek felt a bit foolish as he stared at Scott and Scott stared at him. Stiles were busy laughing.

“So,” Derek said and coughed discreetly into his hand. “You’re Stiles best friend from high school.”

Scott only stared at him in disbelief. “Well,” he said after a moment. “Yes I am.”

“What are the fucking odds,” Stiles just choked out before indulging in another laugh attack.

“I told him about you,” Scott said with furrowed brows. “About someone named Derek being bullied.”

To say right out that Derek had been bullied was maybe a little bit too much, but he was grateful none the less. If not for Scott then maybe Stiles wouldn’t have stopped him in the running tracks that day and then maybe Derek would still try to convince himself to forget Stiles. Then he would never have known the amount of happiness he’d missed. He couldn’t help but shiver of dread at the thought.

“Thank you for that,” Derek said sincerely.

“But I still don’t get it,” Scott sighed and turned to Stiles when his laugh had died down. “How did you manage to score that?”

Stiles only rolled his eyes and blew Derek a kiss. “Is it really that hard to believe Scott? I’m hot, haven’t you noticed?”

Scott only looked very doubtful.

“Hey buddy,” Stiles drawled. “You’re hurting my feelings.”

“Actually,” Derek interrupted because if there was anything that should be indisputable it was Stiles looks. “He’s the most popular guy on campus, everyone adores him and would probably marry him in a heartbeat.”

Scott looked downright shocked at these news. Stiles on the other hand only rolled his eyes.

“Now you’re exaggerating.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m not.”

“Wait,” Scott said suddenly as if he remembered something. “They’ve seen _‘Greased Up’_ haven’t they?”

Stiles blushed and shot Scott an angry glare, “Of course they’ve seen it! Who the heck hasn’t?!”

Derek felt very confused. “Ehrm…” he said as two pair of eyes turned his direction. “What are you talking about?”

 

14

Stiles were still shaking his head. “Seriously dude,” he mumbled with wonder filling his voice. “If you hadn’t seen it then why were you even talking to me? I mean I’m me and you’re…” he waved his hand over Derek’s body as if it was supposed to mean something.

The three of them sat in front of Scott’s laptop while Scott’s girlfriend Allison was cooking them all dinner in the kitchen. “I’m not letting him near the oven just yet,” she’d mumbled because apparently Scott had done some miscalculations and now the oven smelled funny, and not in a good way.

So Derek was watching the viral video ‘ _Greased Up’_ , something Scott, Stiles, Allison and some girl named Lydia had filmed during the summer and uploaded to the net. Current view count was 1 184 509 042. _It was fucking insane_.

The whole thing played out as a music video that was weird… very, very weird. The music was a bit odd and there were cactuses everywhere… _why the fuck were there cactuses everywhere_?! Then the refrain came and yes, Derek already knew that he would never, ever, get this shit out of his head.

All four of them were playing instruments and running around, special effects appearing everywhere – Allison had apparently taken a summer course in visual effects.

“That’s like the main reason why we did the video,” Stiles whispered as cactuses appeared over the whole screen. “She and Scott needed to practise their knowledge.”

Scott seemed to have been the musical mastermind, because he’d met Allison while he’d taken the music summer course next door, their romance apparently fast and until now lasting. They’d moved in together after dating for two months.

“Here’s my part,” Stile’s whispered.

And yeah, now Derek knew why people was drooling after Stiles… Leather pants slung that low should be illegal.

“You’re covered in grease?” Derek said after a second as he stared at the frankly pornographic picture of Stiles on the hood of a truck, abs gleaming in the sunshine and smudges of dirt marking his glistening skin. Derek was not having a boner in front of Stiles’ best friend from high school, he was just _NOT_.

In the video, Stiles were also combing through his hair with a cactus, it looked silly and hot in such equal measurements that Derek’s head began to spin.

Next up was a cactus covered in grease and then the video was over.

“So there,” Stiles said in the silence that followed. “That’s our fifteen minutes of fame.”

Derek only grunted. Because really? What was there to say?

 

15

Derek and Stiles had had a fight, or maybe not so much of a fight as a disagreement.

Allison’s last name had been Argent. Derek might have reacted badly.

At the moment, Derek was nursing a cup of coffee at the café close to campus, his now ever-dry textbooks untouched on the table in front of him. He didn’t feel in the mood to study, actually right now he just wanted to stop feeling angry and make peace with Stiles. He knew he was in the fault here, he shouldn’t have lashed out towards Allison, it wasn’t like she could help she had a fucked up aunt. But at the same time she shouldn’t have defended Kate, spewing some bullshit about how it wasn’t her fault because she was “ _sick_ ”.

Stiles had pleaded with Derek to stop behaving like a baby and that had been it.

Now they were fighting… no, Derek shook his head. They had a disagreement.

He just needed some time to cool down. Stiles did as well.

He took another sip of his coffee, looking around the shop while fiddling with his pen. He really didn’t feel like studying.

“Derek.”

He snapped his head around and yeah, there was Erica… her silence shining with its absence.

“So,” she said as she took a seat oppose him. “Where’s your worse half?”

Derek only shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know.”

Erica, observant as always raised an eyebrow. “Trouble in paradise.”

“A disagreement,” Derek replied just as easy.

She nodded once, staring at him intently. There were actual minutes that ticked by in the silence that followed.

“What,” Derek couldn’t help asking, the tension too much for him. Erica snorted.

“You don’t seem upset about it?”

“Why should I?” Derek asked and shook his head at her words. “We’re just having a disagreement.”

“A disagreement,” Erica seemed to pounder the words. “About what?”

Derek’s eyes narrowed as he gave her a once over. “Erica, cut the crap,” he sneered; he really didn’t feel like dealing with her bullshit today. “I get that you’re overjoyed that we’re fighting but I don’t need your gloating right now! Okay?!”

Erica continued to watch him for a moment, her brows knitted together as she seemed to consider something very carefully.

“Perhaps he’s different from Kate,” she offered at last, making Derek freeze in his seat, cup halfway to his open mouth. “You were always blaming yourself, crying really, whenever she and you had an argument.”

Erica got up from the table. Derek simply stared at her.

“You, us and your boytoy. Tomorrow, eight o’clock, my place.” Erica shot him a sharp glare, “Don’t you dare be late.”

 

16

New year was a fun affair.

Stiles were counting down together with all their friends, a smile threatening to split his face in half. Derek was supposed to scream with the others but was currently stuck just staring at Stiles and wondering how he’d managed to end up with something so vibrant and wonderful.

Sometimes Derek thought he’d grown used to the way Stiles looked, the way his body gleamed in the moonlight and how his honey-brown eyes sometimes glowed golden in the right lighting. But then Stiles would smile or say something and Derek would once again have to stop just to catch his breath and just _admire_.

“Two, one… Happy new year!”

Everybody screamed and the fireworks were positively making Derek’s flat vibrate. Not that Derek really noticed, he was busy kissing Stiles. Marvelling at the softness pressed against his mouth.

“Happy new year,” Stiles whispered before pressing another kiss while simultaneously climbing into Derek’s lap, his hips moving distractingly.

“Happy new year,” Derek whispered back as he stared at Stiles in the shifting lights of the fireworks. Content with just gazing into his eyes.

“Please,” Laura screamed from somewhere to the right. “You can exchange heart-eyes later, come out and look at the firework dorks!”

Derek smiled into Stiles neck as he felt his heart beat happily in his chest. More than content to have this right now and – with some luck – forever.

Stiles smiled as he withdrew from Derek’s lap and his smile… Derek wanted to bask in it now, tomorrow, next year and hopefully, _forever_.

 

 _fin_.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while ago, but I haven’t posted it since Teen Wolf is kind of a new fandom for me which I’ve now started to explore. But after a while I thought, why not? I personally like reading a good angst/love/misunderstandings fic and maybe some people out there does too?
> 
> And thus this. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


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